All Time Great Awkward Moment

When you wake up in the morning in a queen sized bed with hotel crisp sheets and so many pillows it looks like one of the beds at the mall...and in the crease of your underarm is a woman, sleeping soundly, that you hardly know ...and you’re shocked because she looks good. You don’t have to chew through your arm this morning.

And she wakes. Her breath smells like stale alcohol, but not too bad. She looks up at you, and kisses you on the lips, and says, “I gotta fix breakfast.” And climbs over you -- you feel her body, her breasts, prickly hairs -- and she walks outta the room stark naked, and you watch her bouncing booty jiggle out the door.

You stare at the ceiling and think, “Damn, I wish I could bottle this moment.” And you hear the sizzle of bacon, then the smell, and you think about how comfortable the bed is, and how you really should buy better sheets...and you remind yourself that a fine ass woman is in the other room who thought enough of you for the evening to let YOU spend time in her vagina, and now she’s cooking YOU breakfast - YOU ARE THE MAN!

And you finally leave the comfort of the bed with a 3/4 chubby, and feel pretty confident about it swinging like that, so you walk past your boxers on the ground, and go to the kitchen to rub it on her while she cooks ...and you walk into a kitchen of children getting ready for school.

...And the really effed up part is you’re the only one really embarrassed. The kids just laugh it off, and the mother is still naked...effed up man!

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