Disclaimer: I love all women, regardless the background. I've heard a rose is a rose is a rose; likewise, a woman is a woman is a woman. And I am actually drawn to that kind of bare knuckles, simplistic approach to thinking. However, with women nothing is ever that simple. Women are women - fact. But every woman is individually distinct and special, and although there are similarities, each deserves to be discovered personally, specifically, and intimately. Men should be men. But now'days you got all these different variations of men too, but with me - I'm just a regular dude. My values: God, family, loyalty, honor. Guy values.
I don't like the bitchass remarks I'm hearing from a lot of men concerning black women - like something's recently changed. "I can't deal with the attitude." "They don't submit." "I can't deal with the attitude." "I've moved on..." "That attitude...I can't deal with it." And I understand all those points, but what men are actually saying is "I'm weak, and I'm ungracefully bowing out." (Black women stop applauding.) It's passive aggressively whining about things they couldn't make work their way. I understand. I've been there. I've come to an epiphany though: I state my role and stance early on, man to woman, if we can agree, it's all love, if we can't agree, no hard feelings. However, nothing will ever change my love for black women (No matter how far those ATL Housewives set you back - LOL, JK).
So here's my personal list. Michael Eric Dyson wrote a book on the subject, looks like a good read. But this is my, Shannon James Cason's, opinion and I stick to it. THE LIST (not in order and could never be all-inclusive):
1. Your Smile!
Sometimes it's like squeezing that last dollop of toothpaste from the tube, but if you can squeeze a smile and a laugh from a black woman - there's nothing more powerful. Because honestly, there's no giveaways. Most black women aren't all smiles and chuckles just for the sake of smiling and chuckling, you gotta earn it. This has given black women a bad rap at times and has been misinterpreted as: attitude, mean, bitchy, hard. And those assumptions are not totally true.
In a previous post, Help For Women (over 30), read it, I explained smiling and laughing more will attract more men, and it will. But the fact that black women are not smiling and laughing constantly isn't because of attitude and bitchiness and such, it's because...they don't laugh at shit that's not funny.
I went to a comedy club recently, by myself, and a black woman sat next to me. The fact she's next to me, I'm talking to her. She doesn't know it yet, but she's my girlfriend for the comedy show, afterward we can go home to our significant others, but as of this show we are having fun together. The show was an "up-and-coming" night, meaning amateurs and cheap cover, the reason I'm there, and she's sitting next to me with a stone-straight-face. I laugh to try to encourage one young comedian on and she leans over and says, "That shit wasn't funny..." Yeesh!
You gotta earn it. I know if I walk in a room and the black woman inside is all smiles and laughs, and there's all the symptoms of happiness just being in each others presence, I've earned this in someway. Believe me, I've walked in some cricket-silent rooms and heard a gum snapping and lips smacking, so when I get a smile, I know I got something going right. No giveaways. And I love that.
Sorry, but I'm going to camp here for a sec... I love a black woman's smile. I Love a black woman's smile. I LOVE a black woman's smile. A real genuine ear-to-ear smile. A strong laugh. Not that weak "hehehe", but a "HA HA HA". A laugh that disturbs the public. Kick us out of the restaurant or theater. I love it.
2. Your Adaptability!
I'll just come out and say it: Black women can make things happen. The economy crumbles, jobs are lost, retirement savings drained, the world is in disarray...give a black woman a bag of rice, one fat can of whole tomatoes, and a steady flame, and we're eating like kings. My mom...I didn't know we had struggles, I was totally unaware. The fact I slept on the floor and we had three generations under one roof wasn't a clue to me. I was never hungry.
And if I was, "Ma, what's for dinner?"
Mom: "Boy, go in that kitchen. There's some rice and tomatoes on the stove."
Now that's some old slavery-time cooking for you. Some rice...and some tomatoes. But good to me. I'd even ask for some old slave meals, "Ma, make some potatoes and onions today." Ingredients: some potatoes...and some onions.
I've heard a black woman can take $50 a looooong way. Now, how could I ever disrespect the fact that a black woman can dine on the finest gourmet at the White House in perfect etiquette, but if need be, if all erodes and falls apart, can create a feast with some greens, a fatback, and a box of Jiffy. Comeon! I've never been with a Third World chick, I hear they can turn a rock into a roast, but I'm happy for the black women I have...I love black women.
3. Your Creativity!
How can a man be in a monogamous relationship, and be with a different black woman every month of the year? Make sure the black woman has a standing appointment at a good hair designer. Really, it boggles my mind. From a long flowing weave, to braids, to ponytails, to the natural look. Wow! I've seen dimes with hardly no hair. The creativity is wild - remember Patty Labelle - only a black woman can pull that off.
And I'm not saying I like that strange, weird, crazy stuff on a black woman's head. I've got a picture in Mobile Uploads on Facebook with a young black lady with a palm tree in her head. Now sure she looks stoopid, I totally agree, I may have been cracking on her when I snapped the photo, but let's be honest, I would still chop that tree down. LOL. What I'm saying is, no matter what, I love the black woman's creativity.
4. Your Support!
All black women ask for is commitment. If a black woman feels confident that her man is committed to her and has her back, isn't playing her behind her back, claims her as his one and only, if not that, at least his #1, she will jump in a fight with him at a moment's notice to kick ass. If she doesn't feel that confidence, "damn, you just got your ass whooped."
Okay, it's speedy bullet time, I got stuff to do, I'm not trying to write a novel here...(although I am working on one.)
Why I Love Black Women:
* That Night-time Scarf - That Tupac, gangbanging rag y'all wear to bed. I actually think it's cute, but I may pull it off just because I'm annoying like that.
* That Slavery-time Old Ripped Up Night Robe with Sentimental Value - I'm reaching...honestly, throw that thing away. I know it was your grandmas, but Ugh!
* The Insight Y'all Have - example: "I don't like that friend, watch him.."; "Slow down baby, that's not a good idea..."; "Don't eat her potato salad baby, trust me..."
* The Mindless Ego Boosting - understand we get our self-esteems from you, if not you, another woman...so pour it on damnit!!!
* Your Strength - You don't need to advertise it. A black woman is strong, Strong, STRONG. Just quit reminding us so much.
* Your Fight - Kanye West wouldn't have pulled that shit on a black woman. It would've been a moon man to the head. Y'all don't play, and I love you for it.
* Oh yeah, nice body too. :-)
I may add more to this when I have time because not enough is being said about how wonderful black women are. Sure I may get more action as a result, I'll live with that, but I love me some black women. All of them from Harriet Tubman to Rihanna, y'all alright with me...
...Also I put together a short story zine, get a copy, share it with some friends, show some love, because with me...it's all love.
Hey you, well im smiling. When I read this I did alot of smiling from ear to ear and laughing its nice to be adored by men as its not easy sometimes!! Thanks for posting this and making me feel good
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support. It's good to know for every negative thing I hear brothers saying about Black women, that there are some out there who can appreciate us.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm glad my Blaxploitation Friday post inspired you. =0)
Appreciating a woman for all she is and has to give isn't something many men do. I don't often read or hear comments like this from other men. You point out only some of the qualities and I am certain you have more.
ReplyDeleteI see many of these qualities in the woman who calls me hers.
Me being a white woman, I really appreciate you writing this! I hear the opposite side of the stick so much it makes me sick...I have a lot of men of all races that come to me, expecting me to submit and all the stereotypes...I have never dated a black man who only dates white women, I do see that as they are weak and can’t handle a woman with a back bone. Some do it for love so I can’t single all out. I live mins from DC and it predominately a black neighborhood, so yea I see this disrespect every day, and it’s sickening. This post is breathtaking and a reminder that there are good men out there who can appreciate true beauty...and now that I am raising two mixed daughters, I know they will be facing the same issues. You are a true blessing…
ReplyDelete@ Angel - I'll make you feel good whenever you want, okay? All you have to do is ask...LOL
ReplyDelete@ Gangstarr - Thanks for peeking in... This Claudine CD is in heavy rotation now.
@ MPH - Why would a man want to hate on a woman? I know they can get on a nerve occasionally, but to downright hate on a woman b/c she isn't all you expect and desire - that's some weak sh*t. Thanks for your comments MPH.
@ JStar - Thanks for reading my posts and the comments - really appreciated. I think you can tell, I love ALL women (races, backgrounds, skin colors, body types - ALL). It's just I hear so much sideways talk on these in conversations and on the blogs about black women. I just had to do a little appreciating.
I really don't think it's any reason to actually hate on a woman (or anyone). For what? To feel better about yourself? Weak sh*t. If anything, help people...Thanks again.
Wow. Found your blog...somehow...and I'm digging it. This post was really good...now I'm off to read more. As a Black woman...thanks for the appreciation. ; )
ReplyDeleteReally love this post. I've met "some" black men who want to date white women (like me) because they stereotype black women as too hard. I've called them out on their ish, but I'm sure they've gone on to put down Black women. So, please add to this when you have more time.
ReplyDeleteI've never dated an African-American woman, but have had them as friends and seen some of their struggle in high school and the workplace after that. I have seen some of the issues that they face with their African-American male counterpart first hand as a friend, or as you call it, people watching and what you speak of is true.
ReplyDeleteI believe what all women need to remember is to carry yourself how you desire to be treated. I've had my dog moments just like 99% of the human population has, but in the end it is "the lady" that earns and holds my attention.
I tend to lean towards women who have mystery, a quiet fire that can turn out of control at any time, speak soft & touch soft but are strong, cover themselves up to leave more to the mind or to be earned, are selective, a bit reserved, old fashioned, must have some mental depth, etc. Then there are the ever so attracting lips, hair, eyes and thighs;)
ta...
-jh (FB: Joseph Jody Hotham)