Women! 5 Things Your Man Wants (PSA #2)

Your man is simple. A complicated man with depth of sensitivity, and a breadth of understanding of women, and that can be empathetic to femininity and effeminate pursuits is usually woman-less...or a major player...or not on the opposite team. But your man is simple.

These are some simple things your simple man wants...

1. Some Peace and Some Quiet

These are ready-made responses that mean your man needs a little space for a bit:
a.) "Umph...Okay..."
b.) "Oh yeah..."
c.) "Alright then..."
d.) "Huh?"
e.) "Yeah..."

Enter the correct response:
"What do you want for dinner? We got some chicken in there or some pork chops...I think I'm going to make that chicken because it's been in the 'frigerator. Cook it before it goes bad..." (______) "Oh yeah, we need to get the Sunday's paper this weekend. All the Black Friday specials are going to be in it. Target is going to have a 32-inch for like $250. I know Wal-mart is going to have a camcorder for a good deal..." (_______) "You gotta see this Oprah. I recorded it. This lady on there is...I hate Tyra. Her big headed ass. She's so judgmental..." (_______) "That's why I don't hang with Tasha...because her scurby ass...and she had the nerve to say her son is gifted, that's why he eats crayons like that..." (_______) Oh yeah, baby? Can you go to the store and get some... (______)

*If your man is smart, he will listen to your rant. That's his job. If the woman is smart, she won't ask him to repeat anything she just said.

2. A Plate Brought to Him

It tastes better. Your man finds few things more comfortable than to sit down and have a hot plate of food laid before him in love and happiness. Even if not in love and happiness, just thrown on the table in anger and disgust is cool too.

My grandma used to 'xtension cord whip me and still brought the plate to the table, hot, with a small plate of sliced tomatoes with a little salt and a capfull of vinegar on top. It just tastes better. Oh, and a glass of sweet tea.

3. A Safe Ride Home

Women are natural multi-taskers. However, your man doesn't want a demonstration of this on the Dan Ryan Expressway.

His only benefit of letting his woman drive is a deeper relationship with God. His prayer: "Father, I know I haven't spoken to you in some time, but Father, Lord God, I beseech you. Deliver us home safely." He sees she's trying to take off her coat, while changing lanes. "Jesus! I plead the blood of Jesus over this vessel. Ministering spirits, go before us and clear a path." Her phone rings. "Satan, I bind you, in Jesus' name. I put my foot on your head and command you to FLEE!"

4. Privacy

Your man's nightmare: Beautiful day. Your man leaves the house, smiling. He's driving on Lake Shore about six seven miles from home, noticing the waves on Lake Michigan, the joggers on the path. He thinks of something. He thinks, oh yeah I wanted to call...and pats around for his phone. He can see it in his mind on the dining room table at home, in plain view.

If you're in a happy, loving relationship, leave your man's phone, laptop, and emails alone. Don't "friend" him on Facebook. Don't ask why he had to go on the porch to talk. Just believe that his battery did go dead on his phone and he couldn't find the car charger. Believe him when he tells you he hugged an elderly woman wearing a lot of perfume. Just be happy!

5. Unexpected Pleasure

If you're not putting unexpected Kool-Aid smiles on your man's face, you have issues. He should be reciprocating, but there's an old adage that remains true: Ladies First!